these are not mine- they came from an article but i like it... i am going to follow this and ask him too to, i think... or try:)

--Sever contact with the third party. If necessary, take steps toward
changing jobs, schools and cities.
--Be patient. Most people think you can forgive and forget, but rebuilding
trust takes time. It is rare to completely recover from the emotional
impact in less than two years.
--The person who had the affair must always answer questions from the
spouse about the infidelity. It is the willingness to answer questions that
diminishes the need to know.
--Don't punish for the answers you get. You asked.
--Commit to responsible honesty. Unlike monogamy, you can monitor honesty
that is for the purpose of strengthening a bond and rebuilding trust.